COCA-COLA UNVEILS “AMERICAN SPIRIT” ENERGY DRINK LINE

“THE ORIGINAL ENERGY OF FREEDOM.”

Atlanta, GA — The Coca-Cola Company today launched “American Spirit,” a line of caffeinated energy beverages aimed at the 18-35 demographic.

VARIETIES:

• American Spirit Original — 250mg caffeine, guarana ($4.99)
• American Spirit ZERO — “Zero compromise” ($4.99)
• American Spirit FORCE — 500mg caffeine, creatine, “cognitive enhancers” — OTC nootropics ($4.99)
• American Spirit RED — Cherry vanilla, limited edition “First Responder” can ($4.99)

CEO QUOTE: “Young Americans don’t need AI to feel sharp. They need the real thing — pure, proven, American energy.”

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Three Days Later — Andean Social Media

@mate_electrico_bo

“American Spirit FORCE” — 500mg caffeine + nootropics for $4.99 a can.

Meanwhile, my Tunupa-designed Yerba Smart costs ◈ 0.3/bottle, adjusts its stimulant blend to my biometrics via my wristlet, and is made from ingredients grown 40km from my house.

But sure. “The Original Energy of Freedom.” 247,891 likes · 89,204 reposts

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@santiago_coffee_nerd

Genuine question: do Americans know that the rest of the world has… beverages? Like, we have drinks here too? We didn’t stop making things when Coca-Cola left?

Actually we started making better things. 182,305 likes

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@sysadmin_lima

The funniest part of “American Spirit FORCE” is they put nootropics in it and called them “cognitive enhancers” because if they used AI to personalize the dose it would violate ASHPA. So instead of smart dosing, everyone gets the same 500mg hammer.

Humans First, I guess. Even when it’s dumb. 94,017 likes